G.K. Chesterton (via quotestuff)
How beautiful is that. Feel free to delete my comments on any reblog. Here is what happened this morning, and it relates to the above caption. I had a settlement meeting with a lawyer whom I dislike. The dislike is mutual. He has been taking advantage of his position (he has the far better case) for almost a year and I’ve been in such a defeatist mindset for that year that I’ve let him - hoping for a settlement. Today he was unreasonable. Very unreasonable and delivered personal attacks. Now, I hate being attacked. Attacking my value or worth or esteem is probably the worst thing anyone can do to me. To protect myself, I attack back. When threatened, or hurt, or devalued my initial instinct is to get aggressive and fight. It’s a culmination of that pent up anger, from my childhood so it seems - bah.
But, today I took my fixes and consciously applied them. I felt that tensing in my arms, and stomach and jaw. Those are my cues. Usually my mind starts racing and takes over. But I took a breath, stepped outside of my initial thoughts and feelings, accepted them and let them go. I then dealt with the situation positively - don’t get me wrong, his ass is mine, assuming we survive the summary judgment motion. I’m very good at trial…lol - but I didn’t get angry. I didn’t return the personal attacks and I didn’t fight. I dealt with the situation. I read him and used that to my advantage. Now for those reading this, you may say so what. I say, that is a huge step forward for me. Huge. If anyone was going to see my ire it was him. We really dislike one another, but I contained it. I dealt with it, I overcame it. I even smirked, it’s true.
So how does this deal with the caption? Life events have an impact on us. They really do. Use them. Use them to better yourself and address your flaws. My biggest flaw is holding on to things that hurt me. That triggered the fight response to any perceived threat both to my value and/or to me physically. It is an irrational response, but it very much existed. That’s what I’ve been focusing on almost exclusively for the past month or so precisely because I didn’t like how I dealt with situations. Now I accept that my past has cost me greatly - admittedly so. I can’t change my past. No one can. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t address those flaws and move forward. Always, Always, Always, forward.